Top 10 Ways to be an “Ugly American” at London’s Heathrow Airport

10. Wear lots of Uber-patriotic clothing, preferably US Military service paraphernalia, American flags, etc.
9. Hold up a hungry line 20 people for 15 minutes because you’re arguing with the cashier at the small airport deli.
8. Argue with said cashier about how ridiculous it is that they don’t take US Dollars! After all, don’t they know that even though this is LONDON, American currency should be good ANYWHERE in the world!
7. Speak loudly in a Texan drawl, crescendoing gradually into shouting as you don’t get your way.
6. When people begin to complain, ignore them. Completely. Don’t offer apology for making them wait. At all.
5. When a helpful Brit offers to just pay for your food because he has British Pounds on hand, act deeply offended at his impatience.
4. Accept his money, but then insist loudly to the line that “you didn’t need his money!”
3. Storm off in a huff at what a “ridiculous country this is” where they don’t accept American money, don’t appreciate having to stand in line forever, and readily insult one’s dignity by offering to help.
2. Never have an inkling in any fashion that there might have been a shred of “wrong”… or at least “cultural insensitivity”… at all of the above.
1. Repeat all of the above consistently when confronted with anything that is different from the way “we do things” in The States.